Things to Avoid When Arguing With Your Spouse
As an amazing Stay At Home Mom that you are, there are certain things that you must avoid when arguing with your spouse (hubby) to foster the growth of your relationship.
It is very normal to argue with your partner.
In fact, if you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, you know that you’ve had arguments.
We have disagreements with our parents, siblings, roommates, etc. It’s normal. Many even believe that it is a sign of a maturing relationship.
Therefore, the problem isn’t that you’re arguing with your hubby, but it is a matter of how you go about it.
The things you say, the way you act during an argument can make or break the relationship.
This is the same for marriage and arguments with spouses.
What you say, how you act in an argument can make or break your spouse, and hence the marriage. Or cause thick tension around the house.
Couples mostly argue over money, sex and relatives and friends.
Others include children, infidelity, work, etc.
Whatever the cause of the argument, it is wise to refrain from damaging the relationship you have with your spouse so that you will have a happy home.
Talking about happiness, I have an article about the Habits of Happy Stay At Home Moms.
You should definitely check that out.
Meanwhile, what are these things to avoid when arguing with your spouse?
9 Dos and Don’ts When Arguing With Your Spouse
The mistakes people make during casual arguments has led to so many broken homes.
I am sure you don’t want the same thing for your home.
So, here are 9 things that you must avoid when arguing with your spouse so as to maintain a healthy relationship.
1. Don’t Hit Hot Buttons:
Whew, it took me a long time to stop this. Whenever you’re arguing with your spouse, please don’t call him/her names.
Don’t say he is a failure or that she’s useless. Don’t call him stupid. Just don’t call names. If you’re arguing about friends and relatives, also don’t call them names.
Apart from calling each other names, don’t say things that tap into your partner’s fears, insecurities, etc.
For example, Johnny and Sally are a couple.
Johnny moves from job to job because he has not yet found his calling and is always feeling like he’s not fulfilled.
He has a fear of not being able to get a fulfilling job and not being able to provide for his family while doing said fulfilling job.
Sally on the other hand was working. But she had their first child and decided to become a stay-at-home mom.
This is the first time in a long time that she cannot provide financially for herself and has to depend on her husband.
At times she feels like she isn’t contributing to the family and suffers from a loss of identity.
On top of that, she’s feeling less beautiful because of changes in her body after having their baby.
When arguing, the worst thing Sally can call Johnny is a failure and the worst things Johnny can call Sally is useless and ugly.
2. Don’t Give the Silent Treatment …or Shut down:
Giving your partner the silent treatment is annoying and frustrating.
When arguing with your spouse, don’t just shut down.
When the argument is getting really heated and you want to walk out, tell your spouse that you’re going out. Don’t just leave.
I understand that you may want some time for yourself to think.
You may want to go to your favourite spot in town to relax. It’s a good idea.
But what’s not good is shutting your spouse out and not telling her where you’re going.
Doing this, more often than not, is a sign of bullying, insecurity and cowardice.
It usually means that you want the other to cave to your argument or that you don’t care about what she’s saying.
3. Don’t Bring Past Issues:
This is very wrong and totally immature. When arguing, talk about the problem at hand.
“Let the sleeping dog lie.”
(Fun fact: I’ve always wanted to use that line. Yay me. LOL).
On a more serious note, bringing past issues mean that the matter is not yet resolved, or that you haven’t yet forgiven your spouse.
Or the simple fact that you’re just a petty human being.
Like why would I be arguing with you about where we should buy our next house and you then bring up the time we argued about what to buy the kids for Christmas?
Please, don’t raise the dead.
4. Don’t Involve Third-Parties…If Unnecessary:
This is very important.
Many issues escalate more than they should when third parties are involved.
Third parties may include parents and siblings, friends, and sometimes, bystanders.
My advice is to take your problems to a certified marriage counsellor or to someone you and your spouse trust.
Usually, most arguments can be settled between partners.
If you tell your parents and siblings, they’d support and defend you and your spouse will be the villain.
And guess what? You and your spouse are one family.
In fact, two of you are more like family than your parents and siblings.
At least, that’s how it should be.
Friends, especially friends your spouse doesn’t approve of are also a bad idea. Immature friends are even worse.
Believe it or not, there may be someone in your circle who isn’t supportive of your marriage.
Don’t give them more armour to talk bad about your spouse and marriage.
5. Don’t Save For Later:
If it’s something you can settle immediately, do it.
Don’t file it and lock it up.
Don’t sweep it under the rug.
Things swept under the rug will still come out one way or another.
If it’s something that can’t be settled at the moment because you both need to think carefully, then wait. But not for so long.
Talk about it as soon as possible. Ignoring an issue or thinking that it will pass will only make it worse.
6. Don’t Argue to Be Right:
The main point of arguments is not to be right or wrong.
It is to listen to each other’s point of view. It is to look for a solution to a problem.
Always remember that when arguing with your spouse, you are actually arguing for your marriage and not yourself.
Don’t focus on who is winning. Because guess what? There’s no winner!
7. Be Cautious of Your Actions and Words:
Don’t be too concerned about making your point that you say or do things that will hurt your partner.
Apart from name-calling, also avoid some triggering words or terminologies.
You should also be cautious of your non-verbal cues.
For example, don’t avoid eye contact, don’t sing while arguing, don’t be on your phone, etc.
These acts show that you don’t think that what your partner is saying is important.
Additionally, it shows that you’re not willing to listen and that you’re closed-minded.
8. No Texts:
Don’t try resolving an issue over texts.
Honestly, I think I’ve had more arguments over texts than I’ve had face-to-face.
Texts lack emotion and tone.
Smileys and emoticons don’t cut it.
The way your spouse may interpret a text may not be what you had in mind when you sent it.
9. Listen To Your Partner:
So many times we are usually concerned about what we are going to say next that we forget to listen to what our opponent is saying.
This is also true when arguing with your spouse.
Listen to his point of view.
Look at the situation from his perspective.
Take a second before responding.
Arguments with spouses are inevitable.
They will surely happen.
At some point, you may even forget these dos and don’ts because of human factors.
But be sure to make an attempt.
If the arguments persist and seem to be getting worse, it is advisable to see a counsellor.
Or even a therapist.
After all, how we react to issues are usually from unresolved issues we’ve had with ourselves and from our past.
Be careful not to break your marriage with your own hands.
Have you learned something? Please, share in the comment section.
Always remember that motherhood is a journey made easy when we have the right people in our corner. ?
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Love & Light,
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