Are your teenage siblings always fighting and you are looking for ways to stop them? Well, you are not alone. Have a clear mind and continue reading to get some helpful tips that will help you to control their frequent fighting.
It is normal for siblings to fight especially between their toddler and teenage ages.
Teenagers and even young adult siblings fight about a lot of things.
What makes this fight between teenage siblings more troublesome is their use of more grown-up terms and the fact that candy and chocolate can’t distract them. LOL.
It is very annoying, frustrating and mentally exhausting when your kids fight constantly.
And every parent will agree that it is unnecessary because it is one of those things that cause depression in Stay At Home Moms.
Well, it is not. Are you shocked to hear this?
Sibling rivalry or conflict is important to the children. When handled correctly, it teaches them about:
- compromise and negotiation
- conflict resolution
- the importance of peace and empathy
- dealing with different opinions
With an exception of an only child who spent a lot of time with cousins and friends, children with siblings are usually better at handling conflicts.
They also learn about dominance, and how to relate with peers.
Besides, conflicts between siblings are a good way of livening the family and even something you can laugh about later.
Squabbling among children is usually because they are close in age, of similar interests and of the same sex.
However, when children are not close in age (maybe 9-15years age gap), there could still be some kind of rivalry.
It will be mostly jealousy on the part of the older child or mischief on the part of the younger sibling.
Maybe because the younger sibling is taking all the attention or is being allowed to do things earlier than the older child was allowed to do them.
If you experience too many fights among your teenagers, then here are some actionable tips to reduce sibling fights.
8 Tips to Stop Teenage Siblings from Fighting
If your children are always fighting in the house beyond normal, then these few tips will help to stop the siblings from fighting too frequently.
1. Don’t Take Sides:
Whatever the argument may be about, no matter who started it, don’t take sides.
Let me say that again for those at the back. DON’T TAKE SIDES.
Taking sides or saying who is wrong and right will only lead to further disagreement.
Both teenagers would want you to take their side.
Taking one person as the ‘right’ person will lead to more bickering.
The other will want to prove that he/she is the right one.
And of course, there’d be the accusation that you always take Bertha’s side.
Don’t fall into that trap.
Instead, try to hear both their sides and if you’re going to give punishments, punish both of them.
After all, conflicts arise when one person responds to the starter.
Both were enablers of the conflict.
If you won’t give punishments, be sure to tell both of them where they got wrong.
2. Let Them Have Their Stuff:
As stated earlier, one thing teenage siblings fight about is dominance and possession.
As much as possible, let them have their own things.
For example, they should have their own clothes, shoes, makeup (if you have two or more teenage girls), etc.
I know that you want them to share things because obviously sharing is caring right?
But as teenagers, they are learning to be independent.
Having their own stuff will make them have a sense of independence and privacy.
If they are arguing about things like TV time or Video games that they both can’t have, try drawing up a schedule for them.
Make sure they have equal time.
3. Step in When It Starts Going South
Usually, teenagers can settle their conflicts themselves.
Other times, you have to step in.
When arguing, teenagers can say things that will forever put a wedge between both of them.
The argument could even get physical…and this can also put a wedge.
When you start sensing that things are getting extreme, step in immediately.
Settle the issue as fast as possible so it doesn’t become a bigger issue.
4) Separate Them…If Necessary:
For siblings who are almost similar, separating them could be a good thing.
By similar, I mean having similar interests, taste, friends, lifestyle, etc.
If possible, put them in different schools so that they have different circles and experiences.
Why should I do this? I’ll tell you.
People who are too similar usually fight a lot because they usually want the same things.
They are probably also attracted to the same people.
Similar-taste siblings are no different.
So the fight to outdo or be better than the other will be strong.
For example, imagine two teenage sisters who are interested in dance.
What do you think will happen?
They’ll always have that competition of who is the better dancer.
And of course, there’ll be comparisons too from the general public.
However, imagine if one was interested in dance and the other in sports.
Not only will they have much to not compete about, but they also won’t be surrounded by the same circle.
This also means that they’ll have their own friends.
If they are like tennis sisters Serena and Venus Williams, make sure you teach them the importance of family.
And be sure they have another program that is just for them as individuals.
5. No Comparisons:
Don’t try this one.
It usually isn’t good to compare oneself to another or to compare two people.
Hello, Beyonce and Michael Jackson! LOL.
They always compare those two. And it’s wrong.
What is even worse is a parent comparing two siblings.
Don’t say things like “Why can’t you just be as smart as your sister Ella?”
These kinds of statements pave the way for jealousy and competition.
And this, if not curtailed, can lead to sibling hatred.
6. Try to Treat Them Equally:
Children can sniff out when they’re not being treated the same way as the other brother or sister.
I know parents like being fair, that is, they try to treat their children according to what each deserves.
Honestly, children don’t see it that way.
For example, say you have a 16 and 18-year old.
You then give your 18-year old a curfew by 10:00 pm (because he’s older and a young adult) and your 16-year old by 8:30 pm.
Guess what is going to happen?
- The younger one will accuse you of not being fair.
- The older one will probably tell you that when he was 16 his curfew was by 8:00 pm, not 8:30 pm.
You can never win.
You are correct, but they’re also correct.
Never get into the argument of what is and isn’t fair because guess what?
Life isn’t fair. LOL!
But don’t get into that argument and make sure to treat them equally, as much as possible.
Try to not have a favourite and be careful to not treat one specially.
7. Establish House Rules:
This is important. Make sure the rules are clear.
For example, you can tell them that no matter the argument, no one lays a finger on another.
You can also tell them to mind the kind of language or words used toward a sibling.
Make sure the punishment for flouting a rule is well known.
8. Let There Be a Middle Ground:
In every conflict, there will always be a middle ground.
Look for middle grounds for your teenage children.
Even the most different people have middle grounds.
If it’s hard for you to find a middle ground, then try to make them support one another.
For instance, If one sister likes sport, then take the other one to one of her games and cheer for her.
If the other likes dance, then take the sports-loving sister to her recitals.
This way, they get to see their individuality and appreciate their differences.
If they both like the same thing, like dressing up, then take both of them shopping and let them have it.
That way, they’ll also notice that they may actually have slightly or totally different styles.
Or if you can afford it, take them to fashion shows.
You can also get them some fashion magazines. Just get a middle ground.
Siblings always fight.
They start from when they’re toddlers to maybe their late 20s.
Don’t worry so much about this.
When they become adults, they’ll likely become more tolerant of each other.
And if luck is on your side, they’ll be friends.
If your luck-God is very active, then they’ll be best friends. Fingers crossed.🤞
It is normal during adolescence to fight.
They get more territorial and more private.
It’s necessary for growth and development.
I know you’re tired of them not getting along, but all you can do is try to make sure they don’t sever that familiar bond.
Try these tips above and watch them grow in love with each other.
Maybe not now but it will definitely happen.
Now, tell me in the comment session, which one of these tips are you going to try first?
Always remember that motherhood is a journey made easy when we have the right people in our corner. 🧡
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Keep being #fabulous 💋
Love & Light,