Sometimes change happens at a cost. 🥺 A lot of things happen when things change. When change happens, no one expects it. One of the changes a family can experience is the loss of a loved one. In this article, we’ll look at the ways of overcoming grief.
I lost my brother to cancer 9 years ago. A while before he died, he looked like he was going to beat cancer. He was getting better. We were all hopeful. Everyone thought he was going to survive, but he died. The news came to us as a shock because no one expected it.
Overcoming grief & the loss of a loved one isn’t an easy feat.
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What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It could be the loss of your partner, your child, your aged parents, etc.
People respond to grief in different ways. Some people feel angry at first, shocked or guilty. Know this: People grieve differently. Don’t question your grief based on how someone else is grieving.
When my brother died, I was shocked to my bones. It took me a while to process the news.
The pain of passing through grief can affect even your physical health. Suddenly you’re not interested in eating at all, and you suddenly begin to look so thin.
If you’re going through this, know you’re not alone. I’m here for you.
How can you build strength and courage in times like this?
Tips on overcoming grief & the loss of a loved one
What are some of the ways to overcome grief and the loss of a loved one? Some of the ways to do this include:
Talk to someone
I know you’re strong, but sometimes your strength can fail you. You don’t have to bottle it up inside. You don’t have to hide your weakness. You’re human. You know what? It’s okay to be human. Totally okay! Talking to someone is much better than suppressing your emotions.
Find someone you trust and look up to, and talk to them. When you release your emotions, you fill the void in your heart with strength. It would help if you were vital for other people looking up to you – like your children or partner. When they see you handle it effortlessly, it gets better for them, especially the children.
It’s okay to feel angry
Yes, maama, it’s okay to feel angry. When you’re grieving, anger is one of the emotions you’re likely to feel. You’re not insane for feeling angry.
I was angry when my brother died. I was livid. However, I didn’t waste all that emotion. I channelled it into something. In 2014, I took part in a “Race Against Cancer” and we raised a considerable amount of money to support people dealing with cancer.
You don’t have to do what I did. You can always meet someone you can vent to and pour it all out. Letting those negative emotions out is the healthiest way to move on and start coping with grief.
Allow yourself to grieve
I’ve found that so many people love to run away from grief. Some convince themselves that they should run away from it rather than confront it. I’m afraid I have to disagree with this mindset because it’s not healthy. It’s not healthy to resume office duty or go about your everyday business and act as nothing happened. You’re only hurting yourself, trust me.
It would help if you gave yourself time. Time to heal. Time to feel emotional. I’ll tell you that is the only way to feel better. So, allow yourself to grieve. The pain will never go away faster if you ignore it.
Turn to your family and friends
Now is the time you need the people that love you the most. Sometimes it’s not easy to do this, because we want to run away. We run because we don’t want them to see us downcast. But if not them, then who?
You all need the comfort of each other, especially if it is the loss of a family member. Spend time with each other, and accept the assistance that is offered.
Also, know that some people don’t know what to help you with when you’re grieving. Most people are usually confused, especially when they don’t have prior experience. In a case like this, tell them what you need. Do you need to leave the house for fresh air? Do you need a shoulder to cry on? Do you need to visit your favourite restaurant? Whatever you need, let them know.
Engage in your hobbies and interests
You can’t keep feeling bad forever. At a point, you’ll need to move on. One of the ways to move on is by engaging your mind with other things.
What are the things that interest you? Does going to church interest you? If yes, go to church. You can find consolation in the house of God. Do you love attending shows? Now is the right time to pay for the tickets.
How about your hobbies? Do you love to cook? Or Sew? Bake? It’s time to get busy. Idleness is never your friend. You’re strong! You’ve got this!
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There are other ways to express how you feel
Let’s say you’re not a vocal type of person. You don’t feel comfortable telling people your worries or fears. Worst case scenario: You don’t trust anyone out there.
If you find yourself in any of the situations above, there’s an alternative way to release those emotions. Do you want to know how?
You can get a journal. Writing can be so helpful when it comes to releasing all the emotions you’re bottling. Writing can help loosen your tight chest.
Remember, whatever works for you is perfect. All you need to do is let it all out and heal.
Overcoming grief & the loss of a loved one is never easy on anyone. It’s almost impossible to get over it; you can only manage it.
What other ways can you manage grief?
- Hold on to precious memories.
- Know that no one has the right to tell you how well you should grieve.
- Try to forgive yourself even if you couldn’t speak or contact the person before they passed.
- Being happy doesn’t mean you’re not grieving. It’s your style of dealing with the loss. That’s okay.
- It’s not your fault that the person passed away. There’s nothing that can change the fact that the person has died.
Thank God you don’t have to do it all alone. Remember that motherhood is a journey made easy when we have the right people in our corner.
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Keep being #fabulous.
I am rooting for you.