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What To Do When Grandparents Undermine Your Parenting Style

Bringing up a child is never an easy task; what’s worse is when you have grandparents undermine your parenting style. 

You likely lead a different life than your parents did when they were your age. These days, young adults spend less time preparing meals than previous generations, preferring to go out, pick up, or have food delivered. They are also less likely to seek parenting guidance from friends or family members, choosing to turn to the internet for answers.

As a result, these younger parents will almost certainly make different decisions concerning their children’s upbringing than their parents did. Going your way, though, maybe more complicated than it appears, depending on the characteristics of your parents and your partner’s parents.

However, it is essential to learn how to deal with this issue lovingly. Right before we head straight to what you can do, what can be some of the reasons your grandparents will undermine your parenting style. 

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Why do grandparents undermine parents? 

Grandparents are usually well-intentioned. They, like you, want your child to grow up to be a wonderful adult, but the way they demonstrate this can be problematic. They may appear to be commanding, undermining, manipulating, overpowering, or critical at times. 

They can make you feel uneasy, inept, or insignificant. (Imagine my thumb and pointer finger gradually approaching each other.) Both of you have aspirations and expectations. They occasionally conflict, and the grandparents may cross limits they are unaware of.

It could be anything: food, entertainment, dress, the holidays, discipline, or something else entirely. Things others don’t consider significant may be significant to you.

What to do when grandparents undermine your parenting style?

Now that you know the reason this might happen, let’s take a look at some remedies to this problem. 


Talk to them about more than the next time they’ll be watching the grandkids; tell them about how parenting is going, the obstacles you’re facing, the values you want to teach, and invite them to participate in the conversation. Maintain a casual, open, and agenda-free dialogue. Share your parenting experiences with the grandparents and listen to their thoughts and opinions.

This aids both parents and grandparents in better understanding one other’s parenting styles and identifying areas where you are on the same page. If there are any differences during the talk, keep the tone of the conversation easygoing and straightforward (or opinion).

Express gratitude 

Thank them for being involved grandparents in your children’s life. Thank them for everything they do. Even if your connection with them is friendly at best, look for the small things—and there are always small things—that you may express gratitude for. You never know when it will be the deciding factor in achieving your parenting goals.

Grandparents want to have a good relationship with their grandchildren at the end of the day. It gives them purpose and meaning. Their grandchildren may be the only ones who thank them for it.

Never overreact

Dealing with grandparents undermining parents becomes more challenging when dealing with your spouse’s parents. Use restraint and remember that it’s critical to stay calm and collected so that you may discuss your worries with your spouse. Request that your spouse takes care of it. In the heat of the moment, never speak up since you may create more harm than good.

Consult your spouse 

This is especially true when his parent is the one who is undermining him. Describe the scenario and why you felt undermined. Request that he deals with the matter in a manner that he believes appropriate and effective.

Remind them you’re the parent

It’s OK to remind grandparents and parents that it’s your turn when they argue about parenting, which happens all the time. You’re raising your children according to your own set of rules, attempting to instill in them the values you hold dear in a manner that suits you.

Remember they’re essential to your children’s growth 

To feel better about the people in our lives, we sometimes need to reframe our views. Keep in mind that grandparents are significant to your children for various reasons. If you’re having trouble coping, try focusing on some of the advantages your children gain from having Grandparents in their life.


Arguments on how to treat the grandchildren are frequently multifaceted and complex. It’s tempting to believe that grandparents are trying to undermine your parenting on purpose or out of spite; nevertheless, I’ve learned from my parents that they want to enjoy their time with their grandchildren. They desire to play a significant role in their life. 

Determine what’s essential and what’s not, maintain lines of communication open, and express as much gratitude as possible. These steps will assist both parties to recognise that you are all working together to raise excellent children who will grow up to be great adults.

Remember that motherhood is a journey made easy when we have the right people in our corner. 

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