Check Out These 5 Amazing Tips For Dealing with Mom Guilt
Are you having mom guilt and wish to know how to deal with the absurd feeling?
If yes, then continue reading to find out the top 5 tips that will help you to overcome mom guilt.
But before we get to that, what is mom guilt all about?
What is Mom Guilt and How Can I Deal With it?
Isn’t it funny how it’s mostly women who feel what is now commonly called mom guilt?
Mom guilt is that feeling of guilt that can stem from the decisions you make concerning your children, or from having some less-than-perfect-mom thoughts about your kids.
Every good parent has this guilt, especially mothers and it can be stemmed from anything. Example:
– That your child is watching more TV or eating more junk food
– Second-guessing your decisions
– Thinking that your children are annoying or too loud or messy
– Too much expectation from mothers-in-law (MILs right? Ugh)
– Not breastfeeding long enough, etc.
First of all, mom guilt is experienced by ALL mothers, whether you are the Stay At Home Mom or Working Mom.
There’s always this feeling of not being the perfect mom. 🤷🏾♀️
This pressure or guilt intensifies when we go online and see these mom Instagrammers looking like they’ve got everything under control.
We see their children all clean; their clean house will rival that of the Stepford Wives.
Now pause and laugh out loud because guess what?
No parent has got everything under control. And have you heard of Photoshop? Yes, Baby, there’s a thing called Photoshop 😉
Mom guilt may never fully go away but it has to be dealt with.
Not dealing with it can make you more stressed, crankier and will hinder you from being more present with your children.
There are some positives with mom guilt though – It makes you to always think of what’s best for your children.
5 Tips on Dealing with Mom Guilt
Here are a few tips that will help you deal with the mom guilt that you are facing right now.
1. Cut off Negativity:
If there’s anything anyone especially moms, should do for themselves, it is to do away with negativity.
There will always be people out there who will question your mothering skills and people who will have things to say about you choosing to return to work or staying at home.
There’s also the issue of social media and mom blogs.
Do you know those moms that always seem to have something fun-filled ready for the children?
Or those ones whose children never cry and never throw tantrums? 🙄(Cue the eye roll LOL).
Stay away from blogs and pages that sugarcoat the reality of motherhood.
Yes, motherhood is joyful but it’s one of the most difficult jobs.
And with all difficult jobs, there’ll be times you will get tired of it.
2. Choose Yourself First:
How is this possible?
I have a little child to look after and I have to put them first! Calm down mamma, I know.
Ever heard of ‘Happy mother, happy child?’
Take time off to take care of yourself.
I’ve seen women who ‘let go’ after giving birth – unkempt hair, no makeup, milk-stained clothes, etc.
This is especially true for Stay-At-Home Moms.
Now listen: when you feel good about yourself, you tend to give your all to your responsibilities.
Take some time to do or get something nice for yourself. Here are a few ideas for you.
If you’re a SAHM, please leave the house for some fresh air.
Take a stroll. When you’re not feeling your best guess what?
Your child feels it too. So choose yourself!
3. Ask For Help:
Don’t join the bandwagon that says women are superhuman and so can do it all alone.
No! #LoriIro
Women…and mothers are superhuman who can do it all, but not alone.
Everyone needs a little – or a lot of help from time to time.
If you’re married or have a life partner, then make your partner a real partner. What does that mean?
It means that your partner should join in taking care of the kids, help around the house with chores, etc.
Never believe that parenting is for only moms.
It’s not true.
All kinds of moms – single mom, partnered mom, working mom or SAHM, adoptive mom – need help. Have a support system around you.
Get a nanny, register with a daycare, have friends and family help you out, etc. You can’t do it alone.
And remember that having a helping hand will give you some time for yourself!
A win-win situation if you ask me.
4. Listen to Your Intuition:
A mother’s intuition is everything. 👌🏾
Of course, you can be wrong, but you’re mostly always right.
Instead of listening to what moms at school or what your nosy neighbours have to say about your mothering skills, listen to your heart and most importantly, your children.
Children are actually a good source of feedback.
They’ll always let you know when a decision isn’t working.
You don’t need to second-guess and third-guess and fourth-guess and…okay you get the point.
Forget about these modern moms that are always feeding their children organic food and even place them on diet. A snack or two won’t kill your child.
Forget about all those moms that always have something fun-filled, like craft-making for their kids.
If your child is bored, he/she will figure something out himself.
Their imaginations are good, don’t micromanage everything.
5. Cancel the word Perfect:
Perfection isn’t possible.
I will say it again for those at the back.
Listen up, everybody! 📣📢📣
Perfection is not possible!
You will never be a perfect mom because guess what?
You’re not a perfect human being.
I know it is a hard pill to swallow right?
There’ll be times you will yell at your child or give them the silent treatment.
There are times when you will leave them to cry or leave that vomit in their clothes a little bit longer just so you can get a breather for yourself.
If you’re a SAHM, your house may never be perfectly clean.
If you’re a working mom, you will just have to be okay with being about 80% enough both at work and at home.
Just don’t strive for perfection all the time.
You will never get it and it will only make you feel less adequate.
Conclusion:
Being a mom is a very difficult and yet rewarding job.
Don’t make it harder by placing guilt on yourself.
Remember that what children need the most is to be safe, healthy and loved.
In fact, the essence of parenting is that your child grows up to be responsible in society.
Take positivity where you can find it.
Take all the compliments and forget about the judgmental ones.
Also, know that there isn’t any right way to parent.
Do your thing. Make room for trial and error.
Stop comparing yourself with neighbours and friends or worse, celebrities.
Remember that being a mum isn’t your only identity.
Create a new identity for yourself especially for SAHMs.
Volunteer at your child’s school or at an NGO. Spend some time reading and getting more knowledge.
Finally, when your child grows upright and becomes a responsible adult, you will realize that the endless guilt and worrying actually didn’t add anything.
I’ll love to hear from you. Do you sometimes feel mom guilt? Care to share?
Love & Light,
Viv🧡
