Fights with your partner can be upsetting, even if they are uncommon – in fact, this is especially true if they are uncommon. The very fact that this discussion is taking place begs an essential question: if we’re feeling so content, why are we arguing?
The answer to this question is yes, provided that it is neither disagreeable nor hateful. Fights are difficult, if not impossible, to avoid. People start to feel exhausted. You are compelled to go deep when you are faced with personal matters such as family and the upbringing of children. And the institution of marriage does not, in and of itself, eradicate divergent points of view.
“If two persons agree on everything, then one of them isn’t needed,” says Lesli Doares, a certified marriage and family therapist who is also the author of Hero Husband.
Nevertheless, the question that has not been answered is, “How do you define the word ‘happy’?” or the term happy couples? You have fallen into the trap of believing that because you have behaved in a certain manner in the past, you should continue to do so.
Peter Pearson, one of the co-founders of The Couples Institute, maintains that happiness is not a state of mind that can be consistently maintained.
Our lives are like exercise playlists. At first, they seem fascinating, but after a while, you can find that they are boring. We have to keep looking for new songs, but we have given up on the search. A disagreement is not the most problematic aspect of the circumstance.
Pearson explains that it has the ability to remove spider webs. “As the argument escalates, it will begin to disclose to each person what is truly important to them.”
The primary issue is not so much that you fight as it is the manner in which you fight and the actions you take following the fight. “Couples place an excessive amount of emphasis on the solution,” continues Pearson. No. It is not just what you become but also how you get there that matters.” This comes down to the principles of connection building: Listen.
Make an effort to communicate not only how you feel about something but also why something is significant to you. Make an effort to understand the same thing from your partner’s perspective. When in doubt, inquire.
It’s possible that if you do this, the outcome of the fight will be different. However, the conflict will end at some point, and at that point, you will have to go back. Because, well, you just fought, there is no method that can absolutely guarantee success in getting there. On the other hand, after they are married, contented couples favour engaging in particular activities.
Here Are 5 Things That Successful Couples Do After a Serious Argument
1. They don’t immediately solve problems
“Don’t go to bed angry,” is a common piece of advice. Robyn Landow, a licensed psychologist in New York City, finds that advice to be irritating. Couples have no choice but to negotiate a compromise or continue their conversation well into the night. They need to just get some rest. It will not be perfect, but it has never been, and it will not be detrimental in any way.
She emphasizes that even if you go to bed angry, you might wake up feeling differently about things.
Nevertheless, pausing for a break is something that can happen at any time. Being a parent means that you will never be able to finish a discussion because there is always something else that has to be done, like making dinner or giving the kids a bath.
She claims that natural pauses in combat “help us cool out” more effectively. You can also choose to call your own timeout and announce that “We are stuck right now.” Let’s take a break and come back later.”
The one and only rule are that you must choose a time limit and then circle back around to the original subject. Aside from that, the only thing you’re accomplishing is deflecting attention from the issue at hand while building up resentment.
According to Landow’s reasoning, “you will never be able to stop a problem in the future if you don’t bring it up.”
It may look like the argument is done, but according to Landow, there are almost always “leftover feelings,” and someone isn’t quite ready to talk about the day.
It depends on the person how long this refractory period lasts, but smart partners learn to be more patient whether they are waiting or trying to hurry up the resolution of an issue because it is about understanding and appreciating what the other person demands.
3. They convey their feelings of regret.
They quickly offer an apology as well. It has nothing to do with how you would have handled the situation differently in order to prevent something from affecting you. A conflict erupted on the most fundamental level possible.
You are aware of the situation, but the damage has already been done. If you don’t, tensions and animosity will continue to build up.
Doares explains, “You are responsible for your own part of the interruption.”
4. They express their gratitude by giving a bear hug.
They begin by expressing their gratitude to the audience for their participation in the “conversation” by saying “thank you for listening.”
However, the natural tendency is to simply flee the space, which can cause someone to become chilled. The embrace helps to put your bodies back into alignment. According to Pearson’s explanation, “It’s like shaking hands, except it’s between partners.”
After that, move on to something else. It is something that can be done together or separately – the hug makes going alone acceptable – but it is something that does not require emotional energy, therefore it must be something that can be done.
5. Let Bygones Be Bygones
This is the challenging phase, and it will be much more challenging if you haven’t listened to one another, apologized for misunderstandings, or made an effort to better understand one another. The fact that the battle actually had a place and is easy to remember makes it that much more difficult, but this is an unfair attempt to pick at the scab.
In the end, everything boils down to the way each of you views your relationship. Is their worst behaviour an anomaly or something that should be expected? The first is having a disposition that is more kind and lenient.
A Gentle Reminder to Maintain Your Optimism
Pearson suggests checking in with your significant other once or twice per week to discuss the major life events that are on the horizon. This removes the discussion from the list of things to do and gives us more time to think about it.
After that, you should inquire, “What can I do to make this less difficult?” You are offering assistance, which is declined only in exceptional circumstances and will almost certainly result in a request for payment in return.
This helps to maintain your connection with one another, but in order to enjoy something, there needs to be some element of surprise involved. This can be challenging to accomplish when the focus of parenting is on developing routines and getting children to sleep.
There is no one answer to this problem, but it doesn’t hurt to throw money at anything that makes you question whether or not you should go through with it.
The response to this question is yes. You can’t help but crack a smile and feel at ease as a result, and when you’re in that state, it’s much easier to discuss more profound ideas. According to Pearson’s explanation, the experience “sort of awakens you up to other alternatives.
As much as fights between couples are a natural occurrence, try as much as possible to minimize getting into fights with your partner.
Click here to go to the fantastic world of motherhood.
Subscribe to our Telegram channel here.
Or join our telegram group here.
Or send me an email to join our Exclusive WhatsApp Family.
Keep being #fabulous.
I am rooting for you.