Many Mums begin the day with a replenished reservoir of patience, but by the middle and especially at the end of the day, the well has run dry and their patience is gone. As a result, being the required patient parent is difficult.
Sure, there is no such thing as a perfect mother, and no such thing as a Mum with limitless patience. However, there are habits you can practice to increase your patience, even in the face of tantrums, sibling fighting, power struggles, and defiant behavior.
If you’re a mum who finds herself running out of patience by lunchtime because your child is throwing a tantrum or refusing to take their afternoon nap. Perhaps your patience runs out at 5:07 p.m. while you’re attempting to put together dinner.
If this describes you and you do not fall into the category of a patient parent, these positive parenting tips will help you respond with more kindness and gentleness the next time your tank runs dry.
Choose love over impatience, connection over frustration, and kindness over anger or irritation.
1. Know That It Is You, Not Your Child
When you feel impatient or even angry inside, this is the time to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Because your child’s actions are not the issue, the most important thing is to identify the emotional trigger that is causing YOU to be upset.
First, figure out what is bothering you. Is it the noise, or your child’s refusal to eat the dinner you prepared? Next, you must peel back another layer to determine what is causing your emotions.
- You asked your child to clean up his toys, but when you walk into the room, he hasn’t. You’re annoyed not because he didn’t listen, but because you have guests arriving in a few minutes and now you have one more thing to do before they arrive.
- Your daughter is refusing to eat the dinner you prepared. This is the final straw, not because you worked so hard to prepare a meal she’d enjoy, but because you don’t want her to be hungry or go to bed on an empty stomach.
- Your children are jumping and wrestling in the living room, and the noise level in your home is extremely high. You asked them to stop, but they didn’t, and now you’re irritated, not because they didn’t listen, but because when it’s loud, you can’t hear yourself think, which stresses you out.
- Children do childish things, and if you want a different outcome, you must be present with them and understand your own triggers.
The more connected you are to your children, the more respectfully they will respond, and when you know what triggers your patience, you can steer your children away from these triggers.
2. Look At The Situation Through Your Child’s Eyes.
Before you react, put on your child’s glasses and look at the situation through their eyes.
It’s easy to become impatient with your child. However, putting yourself in their shoes and trying to see the world through their eyes may give you a new perspective on why they’re upset, whining, angry, or acting the way they do.
It must be difficult and frustrating to be small, clumsy, and unable to express themselves when strong emotions arise.
Also read: Choosing A Parenting Style
It’s easy to overlook the fact that children are constantly communicating with us, both positively and negatively. If they’re acting out in a negative way, there’s usually a reason for it, and demonstrating your interest in understanding and assisting them is the connection they require at the time.
Showing your child that you see and hear them is an important part of positive parenting. And it makes a big difference in communication when you choose love over frustration.
3. Take A Mummy Break
Taking a break isn’t just for kids who need to calm down and regroup; it’s also for parents. If you want to be a more patient parent, especially with your children, you must be understanding with them, avoid multitasking as much as possible, and consider your surroundings.
- It’s easy to be impatient with your child if you’re too busy.
- It’s easy to miss seeing the situation through their eyes if you’re distracted.
- You won’t be able to understand why your child is acting the way they are and how you can help them if you don’t take the time to connect with them.
- Patience entails reacting with kindness and empathy. It’s all about getting down on their level, respecting their feelings, and asking how you can assist. When you are too busy, distracted, or unable to connect with your child, it is time to take a break.
4. Each Child Deserves One-On-One Time
Spending 10 minutes each day with each of your children helps you stay connected and feeds your child’s sense of belonging and significance, which is the primary goal of positive parenting.
When frustration begins to creep in, mutual respect and understanding will help you see your child in a more compassionate and kind light.
Furthermore, the more you give your children the attention they require, the less they will need to compete for your attention.
5. Modify Your Voice
This is a simple way to change the entire situation, especially since it’s so easy to yell when you’re frustrated. Instead of yelling or reacting harshly, take a step back and talk to your children. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget that children require more gentleness and patience from us, not less.
To change your tone, simply whisper and speak softly, or try to speak while smiling. When you have a smile on your face, it’s nearly impossible to be upset.
6. Note It Down
When you are frustrated with your children, take a step back and write down how you can choose to react rather than how you want to react.
What do you most desire for your children?
A loving, respectful, communicative, and trusting relationship?
Consider how you can honor this relationship with a gentle response.
Make a list of ways you can practice patience with your children every day…
- When my children make a negative request for my attention, I will stop what I’m doing and spend 10 minutes with them without distractions. I’ll give them my full attention for 10 minutes.
- I’ll put my phone away from dinner until bedtime in order to connect with my children.
Ask yourself if your patience is frayed at any point during the day and what you can do to improve this aspect of your day.
7. Often Live In The Child Ego State
Growing a healthy relationship between you and your child is the goal of positive parenting. Adults spend approximately 30% of their time in the “child ego state” and the remaining 70% in the “parent” and “adult ego states.” Whereas children spend the majority of their time in the “child ego state.”
The joyful, playful side of a child that parents are disconnected from because they operate from a sense of responsibility is referred to as the child’s ego state. Children, on the other hand, operate based on their emotions.
If you want to connect with your child, you must make an effort to live in the Child Ego State more frequently. This is where you will develop your relationship with your child!
Being in the Parent and Adult Ego State all the time is a recipe for power struggles, and because no one likes being bossed around, the more we’re in this adult state, the more our children will push back with negative behaviors.
If you want to be a more patient parent, stop ordering, directing, and controlling, and start connecting with your child.
8. Look For A Relaxation Practice
Removing yourself from the situation before things go bad is an excellent way to prevent yourself from reacting out of frustration and help you remain a patient parent. Keep a toolbox of calm-down tools that you like to use to relax and clear your mind.
- Splash some water on your face.
- Diffuse essential oils that are calming.
- Go outside for some fresh air and to clear your mind.
- Please wash your hands.
- Scream into your pillow.
- Squeeze a stress reliever
- Toss the ball to your dog.
- Outside, take a deep breath or 20.
- Begin baking cupcakes.
9. Change Your Busy Schedule
When I’m working on a deadline or feeling stressed because we have too much going on, I tend to become quite the opposite of a patient parent with my children.
At times, my family’s schedule is packed, I don’t always have time to cook a homemade meal, exercise, squeeze in me-time, or spend one-on-one time with each of my children during the day. When we’re rushing from one thing to the next, I transform into a stress monster who is impatient.
I see things clearly when I keep my focus on my children and adhere to the principles of positive parenting.
When I feel myself becoming overwhelmed, I know that unless I clear some things off my plate and adjust my sails, I will become the opposite of a patient parent with my children, which is not worth the high cost of being busy.
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10. Trust The Experts
When you feel the need to improve your positive parenting skills, consult an expert. I enjoy reading books about connecting and positive parenting to help me deal with my imperfect and impatient motherhood.
If you are a visual learner who enjoys observing others, pay attention to the women around you the next time you are at school, the playground, or a birthday party.
Take note of what they’re doing and how they react to and respond to their children. There are always valuable skills to be gained simply by observing other mothers at work!
Conclusion on How To Become A More Patient Parent
Use these ten positive parenting tips to become a more patient parent. A healthy relationship with your children is essential, but when you’re impatient and irritable, your connection with them suffers.
To become a more patient parent, you have to commit to a long-term relationship with your child that is based on love, kindness, gentleness, and mutual respect.